Find the thing — that thing you love, that thing you want to work hard at, and then trust your game.

Find the thing.

I say that to my daughters all the time.

Find the thing that you can enjoy AND that you can master.

When I was a young mom suffering with postpartum depression, I remember feeling like I was cooking my way out of it. Back then, cooking was that thing for me, and I’ve since learned that something was actually happening to my brain when I was learning to cook.

Thanks to Dr. Jacqueline Gollan, PhD, I now know the name of this phenomenon: it is called behavioral activation, and it occurs when we focus on goals of enjoyment and mastery.

For each of us, the thing can be different. Cooking is a great example of a domain where behavioral activation can happen, but it doesn’t have to be cooking.

For me, it’s currently tennis, but for each individual, it can be anything enjoyable, where mastery can be pursued….. writing or painting or gardening or decorating or learning to critique art. Or maybe it’s golf or running for time or crochet or baking bread or playing an instrument or doing photography or pickle ball (just don’t hog all the courts, okay pickle ballers?)

Time and again I see friends and family members engage in activities that they enjoy, but it’s extra magical to see them do things that they not only love but that they can pursue mastery of.

And here’s the secret: trying too hard is NOT the key to mastering something. Working hard is.

Trying too hard depletes us of everything; it reflects a lack of trust in ourselves. Working hard is something entirely different.

And these are hard times, especially for those of us who struggle with anxiety and depression. Enter this concept of behavioral activation.

So — find the thing — that thing you love, that thing you want to work hard at, and then trust your game.